DAY TWENTY FOUR
We had saved the best for last.
Our day started with a trip to Hearst Castle, a lavish mansion on the top of a hill overlooking San Simeon. Designed by Julia Morgan for the newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst, the ‘castle’ was the inspiration for Xanadu in Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane — evoking the line “Since the Pyramids, Xanadu is the costliest monument a man has built to himself.”
While it wasn’t quite as kitsch as we had been led to believe, the castle still had an appealing eclecticism — managing to pair imported renaissance tapestries with bottles of ketchup…
… and ancient mosaics with a pool table.
It was also a fabulously sunny day so we spent a long time exploring the grounds and seeking out the kitsch — Cai was wearing her pink sunglasses and pink lipstick so we were ready.
We especially enjoyed all statues around the grounds, reminding us of the Josie Long joke, “I like to think of myself as a Renaissance woman… in that I’m a little bit chubby and I like lying around in the nude.”
Inspired by the ‘joie de vivre’ of these statues, we decided to replicate some of their poses.
We got a few funny looks from passing tourists, but no more than we deserved…
Due to the Californian drought, the outdoor pools had been drained so it wasn’t quite as lavish and decadent a spectacle as we had hoped, although the indoor pool was still pretty impressive.
Iain had a huge smile on his face throughout the whole day…
… and his smile only got wider when we arrived at our final hotel of the trip — the (in)famous Madonna Inn!
If Hearst Castle wasn’t quite as kitsch as we had hoped, the Madonna Inn more than made up for it.
All of the rooms are themed (from the Flintstones style ‘Caveman’ to the rockabilly themed ‘Fabulous Fifties’) and we were staying in the ‘Chestnut Foal’. Compared to the other rooms, the decoration was actually quite subtle but to describe it as ‘tasteful’ might be an overstatement…
I mean… just look at it.
“The premier horse themed room in all of California.”
It was also a perfect backdrop for Cai’s trademarked ‘Wes Anderson’ stare.
Of course, a visit to Madonna Inn necessitates a meal in their ‘Gold Rush Steak House’ — perhaps the most ‘tastefully’ decorated place we have ever eaten…
Look how happy Iain is to be there.
And look how happy Cai is to have finally found a restaurant that matches her lipstick.
There could only be one choice for dessert — a slice of their finest Pink Champagne Cake.
After the meal, we were just about kitsch’d out although we were still able to take a few shots for the forthcoming series ‘Doctor Iain’s Fireside Chats.’
I believe the technical word for a day like this is ‘Kitsch-tacular.’